by Neil Tolman

 

What I liked:

OPTIMUS GREW A PAIR
Optimus Prime thrashing dozons of decepticons at once..! THAT'S Transformers. That's what I paid to see! And I wanted more!! The rare fight scenes between Transformers uninterupted by useless human soldiers were awesome (cuz really, in reality what are the humans REALLY contributing with an assult rifle when battling a 15 ton robot? Hop in a tank, then we'll talk).

SPECIAL EFFECTS
Yeah of course, I loved the special effects, but I have to acknowldge that some of the animation felt like it was claymation, especially the twins. And I mean no offence to the awesome team working at ILM, you guys are awesome, but it just felt like the movie was plagued by a tight deadline and some of the shots seemed unfinished. In all the effects were great, and there were some really amazing sequences, especially Optimus in the forest which turned out to be my favorite scene.

What I HATED:

THE "HUMOR"
I could have done without the first 45 minutes of awkward 'slapstick' humor, and could have done without the "Micheal Bay" humor in general. Most of the gags in the movie were things I would compare to humor you might encounter in a middle school locker room. I wish they would have showed a little more class and not just fallen back on the cliche sex and drugs to add humor this movie - it's old, it's been done, lets bring something fresh to the table. But maybe I'm just being stingy.

AWKWARD MOM SCENES
The first movie already had a little too much of those damned parents! This time they're back, and the Mom is high on weed brownies.. I mean how desperate are you for gags when you start pulling lessons out of the American Pie playbook? They were trying waaaay too hard to make the parents funny and meaningful. In my opinion they could have left them out completely, and it might have spared some dignity for those poor actors.

LITTLE TRANSFORMERS
Yep, little transformers were the stars of the entire movie. I felt like the little stupid nameless henchmen of the decepticons got more screen time than Optimus Prime! They are boring to watch, they have no name, and you never know what the freak they're up to! Get back to the story, and stay away from these stupid seqways that, in the long run, do the film no favors.

THE CHEMISTRY.. or the lack thereof.
Who are we kidding.. No one likes the image of Shia Labeouf and Megan Fox as a couple, even if it is just a movie. The awkward chemistry worked in the first film because they were kind of pulled into the adventure by accident, and were such polar opposites that it worked. In the sequel there's no tension, they're already a couple, and it's just boring. I really don't know how else to put it, it's just boring. P.S. Did Megan Fox get collogen injection in her lips?

THE STORY
When I think of Transformers the first main character that pops to mind is OPTIMUS PRIME, and I just can't get over how minor of a character he has turned out to be... It very well could have been called "The Adventures of Sam Witwiki, and his Transforming Friends" because "TRANSFORMERS" is a generous title for how little story time they actually had. I felt like the autobots, who are supposed to be the REAL stars, were NO SHOWS throughout this movie. How do you make a transformers movie and leave the autobots out until the end? Couldn't we have ditched Sam for an extra half hour to follow what they were up to, and have it be more exciting than "they're being held hostage by the military?" And pulling out this "It has always been Sam Witwiki's destiny to do find the Matrix" just doesn't fit the Transformers pradigm that was set up in the first film. Transformers isn't a spiritual journey about destiny, prophecy, or anything paranormal, it's about massive robots beating the crap out of eachother in the classic mode of good vs. evil.

THE TWINS
Do I really even need to say anything?...

THE EDITING
I can't think of any other movie in recent years with editing as bad as this, especially with this kind of budget! No excuses. The continuity of character placement, dialogue, and setting did NOT flow well at all. Characters magically appear on the other side of the room leaving you to think "Wait, when did he even move?" A lot of the dialogue didn't flow, and the settings seemed to change before you could really wrap your mind around what was happening. Also, can't you hold the camera still for just one damn minute? I mean eye candy is one thing, but when you go all 'Blair Witch' my eyes just get lost.

THE BOTTOM LINE
I wanted SO badly to love this movie, but it seems like they took every little thing I could have possibly nitpicked about the first movie, multiplied it by one hundred, and made a sequel with it. There is WAY too much going on all at once in this movie. TRIM THE FAT! Keep it simple.

There is a trend in Hollywood where if a movie does well a sequel is a MUST. The director seems to be given a blank check, and up to 3 hours of screen time, but is given a production schedual of a few months. This is becoming a formula for disaster, and movie goers favorite titles are being SCREWED by this kind of Hollywood bureaucracy.

Other awesome movies plagued by this formula: Men In Black, Pirates of the Caribean, The Matrix, The Mummy, Spider Man, Jurassic Park, Speed, Terminator (3), X-Men(3). Plenty more I'm sure.

Filmakers need to drill it into their subconcious that big budgets and special effects aren't the magic formula for a good movie.

If you liked Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen I'm really happy for you, I'm glad you enjoyed yourself. Personally my hopes were REALLY high, and I felt nothing but disappointment walking out of it. I even turned to my wife after and said "You know what. I think I liked Twilight better than this." Ohh and how I hate Twilight.